In case you haven’t heard enough bodily fluid jokes in a lifetime, then this movie is for you. The Watch isn’t a movie for me, even though from time to time, I’ve enjoyed Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill. Guy number four, British black guy Richard Ayoade, is the best part of the movie with his stiff manners and false sense of in-fashion. Yes, the four of them make up the neighborhood watch, but instead of your usual Henry Lee Lucas killer they are instead up against aliens. Aliens who drip ooze. A jizzy ooze.
Yes they find green ooze which feels and tastes like human ejaculate. I thought that moment was long over, but it turns out there are tons of other ejaculate jokes in the movie. And as a subplot, Stiller has problems impregnating his wife (Rosemarie DeWitt) because of his malfunctioning ejaculate. And then once done with those jokes and subplots, you still have the neighborhood sexual deviant (Billy Crudup), whom is definitely hiding something in his basement.
The unfunniest scene of the movie involved Old-Man-With-a-Gun (R. Lee Ermey, long ways from “Full Metal Jacket”). I could go into what his trash talk is about, but all in all, there is so much annoying material in the movie. And while some of you don’t get to the movies as often, I do feel chagrined that Stiller is pulling in the same performance time after time (“Tower Heist,” “Little Fockers,” “Night at the Museum”).
Yet I’d be lying if I didn’t say that Vaughn’s go-for-broke beer-guzzling, lambada dance with the alien, and Facebook stalking of his own daughter wasn’t funny. And so be it, I laughed in spite myself. Hill, I must mention, is really good when he channels anti-social guys who tough-talks and steals kisses from women ready to squirm by him. Ayoade, as single guy Jamarcus, is the kind of hospitable chum who is light-years away in class – he’s the goofy It guy who gets away with saying anything. Or nothing. He’s a wild card.
But who is this movie really made for? It’s an immature foul-mouthed alien movie with jokes that expire after you have already completed your on-line sex education and know what comes out of ball-sac. Of course, Seth Rogen co-wrote the script. No wonder.
100 Minutes. Rated R.
COMEDY-THRILLER / CRUDE HUMOR / LATE NIGHT YUKS
Film Cousins: “The ‘Burbs” (1989); “Evolution” (2001); “Paul” (2011); “21 Jump Street” (2012).
