Meatheads spin out in Rio de Janeiro, puffed up with gleefully over-the-top action sequences but hampered by ridiculous character motivations. Fast Five, the fifth entry in a franchise jam-packed with fast cars and improbable heists, is the docking point of Vin Diesel’s comfort zone and Paul Walker’s career hang-on for dear life. Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris and Sung Kang are second hands among the crew, while Jordana Brewster and Gal Gadot are the burn rubber babes. Dwayne Johnson as an FBI agent and Elsa Pataky as a Rio cop (also with a hot babe quotient), are on this crews’ tail. It’s hard not to have a plastered-on smile during the preposterously spectacular finale that involves ripping off $100 million dollars safeguarded in a police station. But there are a few idle passages before getting there, and you need to be a glutton for bad dialogue to handle the drivel.
If you saw the trailer, you probably are wondering why Vin Diesel drives a sports car off a cliff that requires him and Walker to dive off the vehicle into the mote one thousand-plus feet below. Actually, the fact that Rio’s all-powerful kingpin Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida) has men that arrive at the bottom to apprehend these two furious dudes is a coincidence that seems to me to be more improbable. Throughout, Reyes’ men always seem to attack while Johnson’s FBI man Hobbs is infiltrating his team to arrest. Which results in crossfire every time. You would think one side would at least back off, that side being Reyes’ men.
About Johnson, he plays his beefed up offensive linesman of an FBI man as if he were Sylvester Stallone imitating Tommy Lee Jones from “The Fugitive.” He’s always barking solid, fast orders. And always walking fast while his deputies struggle to keep up. His eyes are sensitive and compassionate for a split second for the brunette pony-tailed Rio cop. But sometimes bad boys like Vin Diesel understand pretty woman cops better than guys that are impervious as The Rock.
About Paul Walker, his character O’Connor is going to be a father next year. About Vin Diesel, his character Dom Toretto is supposedly a man of principle because he’s offering one-tenth is pay share to his bud because… his bud is going to be a father next year. The pay share will be $10 million each allotted evenly to every member of the crew, but a new father deserves an extra million. If this crew has to wreck the streets of Rio entirely to get their money, they will. They don’t see a problem with it. No pedestrians get hurt, because nobody is walking around the city sidewalks when Dom’s outfit tears up the boulevards. Really, it’s kind of hysterical absurdity that these guys don’t see themselves that they are a bunch of anti-socials whom are a menace to society. This isn’t a criticism. It’s just funny.
Mindless escapism is it’s M.O. “This just went from mission impossible to mission freakin’ insanity,” Tyrese wisecracks. But if they don’t do the job, “We’ll just be running for the rest of our lives,” Vin Diesel explains with blockhead earnest. It should not be disputed by any audience at this point that the plots of these movies are cheese whiz in a can. Do mull over that there are plenty of more movies out there that are way more boring than this. For the “Fast and the Furious” movies aren’t all that boring. Just unapologetically stupid and avoidant of comprehensible plotting.
If you are a guilty pleasure “Fast and the Furious” fan, however, then this one is as good as the rest. Except “Tokyo Drift” which way, way stinks. Best moment: Gal Gadot in short-shorts. Best vehicle: Gal Gadot’s body.
130 Minutes. Rated PG-13.
ACTION & ADVENTURE / DRIVE / FRIDAY NIGHT MINDLESS FUN
Film Cousins: “The Fast and the Furious” (2001); 2 Fast 2 Furious” (2003); “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift” (2006); “Fast & Furious” (2009).
