This series gets more lame by the minute. Robert DeNiro and Ben Stiller have turned their recurring roles into a half-assed routine in Little Fockers, the third installment which began with “Meet the Parents.” Stiller is family man Gaylord Focker with two kids whom he raises with Teri Polo as Pam. The two kids are going to have their first big birthday party. DeNiro as Jack Byrnes visits along with wife Blythe Danner as Dina for a few days. Jokes involve hiding a heart attack from your loved ones, a sliced finger at a turkey carving, intros to new musical condom brands, problems with a Viagra-type drug, the new browsing possibilities of Google as perceived by a granddad, and getting buried in dirt. How can Stiller be GodFocker, chief presider of the family tree, when nothing he does is approvable to Grandpa Jack? His integrity is questioned when Jessica Alba pops up as co-worker temptation at the office. All this retarded material makes me want to tell the production team to go Fock itself. I mean, really, enough already.
If you’ve followed the series Owen Wilson as showboat rich guy Kevin is never out of the equation. This series has spanned years and Grandpa Jack would still prefer Kevin to be Pam’s husband and provider, so he will do what he can to bridge a divorce between his daughter Pam and Gaylord. When Gaylord has a hotel conference presentation on a drug made for superior erectile functions, Jack misinterprets a text message for arrival details to be an affair rendezvous with Andi Garcia (Alba, lips pouty and chest out), who is confused often for Andy Garcia. Grandpa Jack has never heard of the Latin actor so this means to him that Gaylord is having a gay affair!
Grandpa Jack follows Gaylord through the streets and onto the subway train, but Gaylord sees that he is being followed. He tries to put an end to the misunderstandings. But post-conference, Alba is a total drunk and flirt, and puts her hands all over Gaylord for photos that will pop up on the internet. Grandpa Jack has more than just suspicions now! Besides this development, the Fockers are going through parental hardships of getting their two young ones accepted into the Early Humans school for prodigies with Laura Dern in a thankless role as headmistress of the school.
Where are the other Fockers? Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand are poorly ushered into the story. Streisand now has a sex-themed talk show where one of the topics is to have married couples roleplay in having an affair – with each other. And Hoffman is off in Spain taking flamenco dancing lessons, which means long exit from roll call, until he is summoned back by contrivance into the movie’s final scenes. These two are an afterthought, simply there to fulfill their obligation to be on the movie poster.
We don’t know what Gaylord’s thoughts are on Andi Garcia, but although he claims innocence, without a doubt he likes having somebody at work to flirt with him. This leads to an embarrassing late-minute failed seduction scene where Andi tries to grope Gaylord, witnessed and misunderstood by snooping Jack. This leads to the climactic birthday party fight between Gaylord and Jack. And then the mess is resolved in the way you would expect it to, and two families get together for a holiday housewarming session. Blah, and humbug.
98 minutes. Rated PG-13.
COMEDY / LAME JOKES / BAD MOVIES WE HATE
Film Cousins: “Parenthood” (1989); “Three Men and a Little Lady” (1990); “Meet the Parents” (2000); “Meet the Fockers” (2004).
